Saturday, February 26, 2011

Checking the Fat Box

One of the challenges of online dating while fat is choosing which euphemism to represent your body size.

The choices on one popular site are:
No answer
About average
Athletic and toned
A few extra pounds
Big and beautiful
Full figured

The choices on another are:
Rather not say
A little extra
Full figured
Used up

There just aren't words there that I want to use. Overweight implies that I should be a different weight and I'm over it. Curvy is something I am, but I don't like how it's used as a euphemism for fat bodies. Many people are curvy and fat many are curvy and not fat. I'm not all that fond of Big and beautiful but it feels like the best bet sometimes because I think it most closely represents my body in a way that folks will recognize from the popularity of the BBW shorthand. I sometimes use Full figured but it leaves me feeling a bit dissatisfied. I'm not sure what I'd like there. I wish that I didn't need to choose. I've always included a full body photo so folks can judge for themselves whether my body is going to be something they could be attracted to.

For those of you who on-line date, what descriptors are you using? Do you feel frustrated by the choices? What other options might you like to see?


  1. I've experimented with all the different labels when I've done on-line dating. When I've been on sites that do not allow me to use my own words, I've just gone ahead and picked the BBW or full-figured option. It's not the best, but I've taken a pragmatic view: it more or less conveys that I'm fat and if I'm gonna use that site, I have to work with what is there.

    When I've used sites that allowed me to use my own words for myself, I've continued to experiment with different labels, including just saying i'm fat.

    I also figure attaching a full body shot will dispel any confusions about whether I'm fat or not.

    FWIW, i met my current boyfriend on-line on a site that only had the BBW or full-figured option. I picked BBW 'cause it seemed fatter to me (ha! it's true). It wasn't a site specifically for fat people either.

  2. @silentbeep
    I always pick 'full-figured' because I thought that seemed fatter. Now I wonder...

  3. Big and Beautiful, Overweight anything that means in my head "yeah, fat."
    I damn sure would not say "used up." What is that?

  4. @first anon

    It's because I think of "full" as like filling out something. I mean I may be able to fill up a glass of water, but that glass can actually be small. That's how my brain works heh. With bbw there's the implication of the word big in it, so I felt it was fatter. :)

  5. This post really resonated with me, as I was just contemplating the same thing the other day. I sort of got into a one-sided debate with myself while tryiing to discuss it with a friend, as the friend was not really commenting on what I was saying.

    I didn't like "a few extra pounds" because that has the connotation that something is wrong and needs fixing. I don't consider myself to be a BBW, nor do I call myself fat, but that's for another post in and of itself. It's hard to figure out what to put because each individual person has his/her own definition of what they think "curvy" and "full figured" etc. mean. Some men would call Jennifer Lopez or Kim Kardashian curvy, and I certainly don't have a similar figure as far as size is concerned.

    I've decided to leave that field blank and just let the person viewing my profile decide for himself whether or not he likes the way I look rather than categorizing myself. If he likes it, awesome, if not, I didn't want him anyway :-)