Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Little Help From A Friend

Last month one of my best friends sent me a text message while I was at work. She's tried to set me up with a few of her friends and has just generally been very encouraging of my dating process. Here's how the conversation went:
T: Can I put up a personal ad for you?
Me: What? I already have one.
T: On Craigslist.
Me: Craigslist is all sex. That's not what I want right now.
T: There are some good guys there.
Me: Well if you want to sort the replies you can. I just don't think I have the energy to do it right now and I don't want to see the penis pictures (I had tried Craigslist in the past so I knew what she'd be getting.)
T: Yay!

I was in a bit of a dating funk. I was feeling grumpy about the process and the amount of work that it took. I'd been debating taking down my ads on the dating sites and was generally pessimistic about the possibility of meeting anyone who was right for me but I figured if she wanted to do the work, I'd let her.

Here's the ad. I laughed when I saw it. I couldn't believe she'd put in the "awesome" line. She chose a picture from my facebook and put it up as well. It wasn't one I would have picked.

Title: Why Not?-35 (Neighborhood I Live In)
Let's get straight to the point.

Me: 35, never married, no kids, dog person, PhD, Occupational Therapist, apartment with one roommate, liberal, curvy, sweet, kinda nerdy, love to explore Los Angeles, originally from the East Coast, non-smoker, social drinker, all around awesome.

You: 34-39, have a career (not just a job), some sort of higher education (I understand that not all people are college people, but a thirst for knowledge and bettering oneself is important), roommates ok, your mother's house not ok (few exceptions granted), wants kids (eventually), likes to explore the world but can appreciate a nice day lounging in bed, liberal, gay friendly, dog friendly, have a car but understands the importance of public transportation, social drinker, can make conversation without it feeling like a job interview.

Do not respond if you are looking for a booty call (though they have their place, not what i'm looking for).

Bonus points: I like a guy with a few extra pounds
Super Bonus points: is or is at least is familiar with UU (and no cheating by looking it up)

That evening, T sent me three email replies. Each had a picture and short response.
One amused me because he had the same last name as T. I playfully accused her of setting up an elaborate ruse to get me to go out with her cousin. She denied it.

His response was short and simple:
Hello my name is **** I’m 35 I live by ****. I am a geeky guy, I do have a job let me rephrase that career. I work for a hospital. I love music and I do love dogs a lot. OK if you want to chat my yahoo is ****. I hope to hear from you!!

His picture was cute. He has a goatee and square glasses and a little bit of a hipster vibe. I found him on yahoo the next night and we chatted for several hours. I emailed the other two guys as well but quickly decided they were not for me. I wasn't sure with this one. There were a few things that I didn't think were promising. He's not long out of a marriage and he doesn't drink (I like to be able to go out and have drinks with my dates) but he was sweet, funny and most unusually, respectful on IM. I know it's disturbing that I think this is rare but my experience in the world of online dating led me to expect otherwise. We chatted again a few nights later and then talked on the phone. We planned a coffee date. We walked around and then got gelato. We didn't kiss or even hold my hand. I worried that he didn't like me but he suggested we meet at a dog park the next weekend with our dogs. We went to the dog park then out for a late lunch-again no kiss or even touching but he asked me to come to the movies with him the following week. I was really wondering at this point if he was interested. During the movie he surprised me with a kiss. I felt a bit like I was back in high-school. He later admitted that he hadn't kissed me sooner because he wasn't sure if I liked him.

We've been seeing each other a few times a week ever since and I must admit that I like him more each time I see him. Oh and I took down my other personal ads.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Dress for a date

I'm totally craving this new dress from Sealed with a Kiss Designs.

I love the color (they call it mushroom) and it looks like it would move really well. I'm trying hard not to buy any more new clothes right now since I picked up some great pieces right before my trip to Hawaii in April but oh this is tempting me! I also love that it's featured in Sarah's Closet on the site since it gives me a much better idea of what the dress will look like on my body. The model above is gorgeous of course, but she's probably 8 inches taller than me and wears a significantly smaller dress size. If I do order it I'll probably throw in a Boyfriend Tee (might not have a boyfriend but at least I can have the T-shirt!) I wouldn't have considered it before I saw it on Sarah in the closet feature. It looks amazing on her and convinced me that it's worth a try.

I'd love to pair that dress with my denim blazer for an after work cocktail date. I had one of those recently where I wore a favorite red dress that I got at Macy's a few years ago. It's a dark red knit with a fitted bodice, circle skirt, and pretty braided trim and straps. Hmm...I can't believe I don't have a picture of it somewhere but I can't find one. I wore it with a short sleeved brown shrug and big round dark wood dangling earrings. I felt really pretty in the outfit and it seemed that my date agreed. We drank Sangria, had good conversation and had plans for a second date by the time he walked me to my car.

I wear a lot of dresses and almost always wear one when going on a date. I just love the comfort and ease that comes with throwing on a dress. I often wear bike shorts underneath to prevent the dreaded chub rub. I struggle to find ones that cover my cleavage in some meaningful way (it's a mighty task) without looking like I showed up in a potato sac and often end up throwing a tank or boob tube underneath to make the dress decent for public appearances.

Fellow fat daters, do you have a first date outfit? I've heard of women who always wear the same outfit when going on internet dates. I'm not that consistent. I have to wear what I'm in the mood for or I won't feel comfortable.

Edited to fix my grammar and reinstate the lost last paragraph!