I adore this illustration by Alex Heberling. Check out the rest of her blog and look here for more fat Wonder Woman illustrations. I've always loved Wonder Woman and it's nice to see her look so joyful even though she's a big beautiful woman.
But back to the dating stories!
Sometimes I feel like it takes a superhero to keep at the internet dating. I've been juggling a few guys through chat programs and phone calls and a few more first dates. Keeping all the details straight is a lot of work. I'm thinking that I may need a database or to create files on each of them but I'm not really that organized of a person.
After a few more conversations with A from the previous post I decided that I definitely didn't want to go out with him again. He was really just interested in a sex partner both online and in person. I guess I should have expected that a bit since he came from Craigslist.
I had a brief first date with another guy last night. We met for a cup of coffee after conversing by email quite a bit. He was sweet and attractive and I enjoyed meeting him. He works many evenings so it's difficult to find a time to get together again. He wanted to see me tonight but I wouldn't agree to meet him after he got out at 11 pm. He wanted to come over here but I just wasn't comfortable with that and he couldn't come up with an alternative except walking around a closed park. That didn't seem like a great idea with a man that I've only met briefly once. I suggested that we make a plan for another night but he seemed unwilling to do so. Next I suggested lunch on the weekend but he said he had to practice his music and would be too busy. He was clearly disappointed that I wouldn't meet tonight. I thought about suggesting a bar or a diner but I was frustrated with his unwillingness to make a plan for the future. Is it asking too much to make plans for a date? I'm not looking for a fuck-buddy here so if you want to date me you're going to have to come up with a time we can meet in public or at least in the daylight.
I'm feeling like a bit of a fuddy-duddy (and maybe by using that word I'm proving that I am!) I am a fairly sexual person but it takes me a bit to get to a point where I'm comfortable in that realm and I have unfortunately had a few bad experiences that make me cautious about protecting myself when meeting people I don't know very well.
Hearing you here! I think that you will get a bit of that on Craigslist, but keep plugging away. You may need to alter your profile. It's pretty awful having to make some comment that you are not available for casual sex. You may find that some guys think that this is 'secret' code for exactly the opposite. Unfortunately there is a stereotype that bigger women are desperate for sex, and will therefore put up with disrespectful behaviour. I'm not sure where people get off thinking others don't have the same sensibilities and feelings as themselves, but there you have it. You made the right call on the fellow who just wanted to go over to your place after he finished work. What a charmer...
ReplyDeleteI do think Craigslist brings out more of the folks who are looking for a quick sexual fix. All of my profiles do say that I'm not interested in casual sex. I told a guy recently that I've got that area covered if I need it and he very seriously responded that he hoped I would consider him as a back-up. I'm have no judgment for those who are having casual sex but I know it doesn't work for me and it's not what I want in my life right now.
ReplyDeleteI think there is something to be said for the stereotype you bring up of the fat women being desperate for sex. I have to say though that even with my body being so far from the societal ideal, I've never had trouble finding a lover if I wanted one. It's the longer term, more serious relationships I've struggled to find.
Thanks for your thoughts!
When I used to live in a big city I actually used craigslist to find two of my boyfriends. They weren't the sex only types, but yeah, probably a lot of other people were. Just saying, there is this other possibility.
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