Saturday, December 11, 2010

Better Catch-The update

So in my last post I talked about the man I dated last summer who recently suggested that my online dating profile needed to be reworked and made me a bit uncomfortable in the process. I ended up having a very good conversation with him about the situation finally this past week. We'd been trying to find a time to talk for several weeks but we both have busy schedules and then there's the three hour time difference so it took a while.

Soon after I posted the previous entry, I responded to his email saying that I was a bit uncomfortable with the initial suggestion. He immediately sent back an apology. When we were finally able to find a time to talk on the phone he continued to apologize and clearly realized why it was awkward. He said he'd wondered if he might have put his foot in his mouth when I didn't respond immediately and was upset that he'd done something that made me uncomfortable. He told me that when he wrote the email he was trying to find a way to reciprocate for some advice I'd given him that he'd found very helpful and since he's done a lot of online dating he thought perhaps that was an area where he could offer something to me. I felt better after hearing his explanation and explaining a bit more about my feelings and I'm glad we got a chance to talk about it.

When I then asked what his feedback was, it actually was illuminating though I haven't decided what I'm going to do with it yet. He mentioned that it struck him that my profile is very serious while I am actually a very playful person who uses a great deal of humor in my day-to-day life. I think he's right and after he told me this I started to reflect on why this might be. I realized that part of it is that I'm not very happy about online dating. I don't find the process of sorting through the replies to be fun or exciting. Perhaps I'm even a bit burnt out. I want to be dating, but I feel cynical about the potential. I've been on so many bad dates now and had so many good dates that then ended up not going anywhere that I feel as if I've lost my hope for finding something meaningful. I'm tired of wading through the guys who are looking only for a sexual connection when I know that I want something more.

Since this conversation I've been a bit frozen with regards to my online dating presence. Realizing that this part of my life just isn't fun anymore makes me wonder if I should be doing it at all. I do know that I want to be in a relationship again. I really enjoy couplehood. I like the day-to-day companionship and I know that I thrive when I have someone to engage with in that reciprocal caring way. I want a lover again in my life. I miss the intimacy of a good regular sex life. I love to touch and be touched and I know I'm a more balanced human being when I'm getting those needs met.

So now I'm asking myself where I go from here. Do I try to rework my profile to better reflect my personality, the joyful fun parts of me as well as the serious? Do I take a break from online dating for a bit? I doubt I'll meet anyone offline as I work with mostly women and my friends and social contacts all seem to be married these days. Is there a way to bring the joy and fun back into the process of online dating without sacrificing who I am and what I want? What do you think readers?

1 comment:

  1. Maybe try approaching your profile as though you've never dated online before. Or approach it as you would want someone who loves you to describe you. I know the profile thing is tough, but at the same time it should be a basic representation of you and if you're coming across as too serious that could send the more fun guys away. Ya know? I say have fun with it and if you're no longer having fun try something else entirely. <3