Sunday, September 19, 2010

Back in the game...but not the best match.

I went on a date last night. My first one in quite some time. It was with a guy who had contacted me through the chat feature on the site I have my profile on. We chatted once then talked on the phone a few times. I had some reservations as we didn't seem like a great match but he convinced me to meet him for coffee.

We met last night at nine at the local coffee shop. I was pleasantly surprised by his appearance as I thought he was more attractive than his online photo appeared. He is short. I had worn a short heel and was taller than him. I know this would bother some women but I don't mind short men personally. He has an interesting job and the date started well with some conversation about our work. Unfortunately it soon turned to talk about dating and he spent most of the date telling me what's wrong with "girls" and how hard dating is for men. His major complaint was that women wouldn't give him enough of an explanation for not wanting to go out with him and would only tell him once they became "defensive." He felt this was happening in real life and online. He was insistent that dating is harder for men than women and that "girls" are disrespectful and rude. Once he got started on this topic he got very animated and went on and on while ignoring my cues that I wanted to join the conversation. It was about a 30 minute monologue. I later gently pointed out to him that spending most of a date complaining about women who didn't respond "properly" while you were out with one who did respond was probably not the best strategy for success but I'm not sure he was able to hear me. I don't think he ended up liking me much either, he seemed to want someone who would agree with him about these ideas. When I challenged some of them he told me that he's talked to other "girls" who agree with him so I must not really understand.

I left the date and stopped in at my local bar when I had a nice conversation with one of the regulars who always hits on me. I agreed to meet him for a drink downtown next week as a friend so that was a pleasant outcome for a rather disappointing night.


  1. I remember two especially bad dates from my online dating days. One was a former football player who probably had no idea how physically intimidating he was, and who spent the entire date complaining about his ex-wife. The other was a guy who spent the entire date talking and talking and talking about himself, his family, his failed marriage, his regret about dropping out of college, his daughters, his job... and not only never let me get a word in edgewise, but apparenly never noticed that I was incredibly bored and was mystified when I declined a second date.

    Those were the two I had reservations about but decided to meet in person anyway. There were plenty more who didn't pass muster at the first phone call. But hey, if there are a lot of fish in the sea, you're going to catch some bad ones.

  2. I probably should have trusted my instincts but I was a bit bored and was hoping that he was just not great on the phone. Ah well, I guess I'll just throw the line back into the water. Here fishy, fishy, fishy...

  3. I'm sorry it didn't turn out to be a better evening. Some people just can't move past their pain when they are getting back in the saddle again. It's terrible to think, but sometimes I think some people are just too damaged to be dating. Years of rejection or feeling alone can scar a person so deeply that it's almost like a groove they just can't quite skip out of, like a badly scratched record. Just round and round, repeating the same words over again. Of course it confirms what they are thinking 'all women are the same, they don't go on second dates because blah blah blah'. No, they don't go on second dates because you spend the evening talking about how horrible (women!) the women you are on the date with.

    Oh well. We all have baggage but sooner or later you gotta put it down...