I posted this late Saturday night.
Something Different...BBW - 34 (Pasadena)I'm a bit lonely tonight. I miss having someone in my life who makes me want to go to bed. I'm a night owl. I have two dogs. I am too smart for my own good. I might move back East sometime. I don't like sex without strings. I can be a bit shy with a new guy though I'm outgoing in most social situations. I love to go out for dinner or drinks. I'm a good cook. I'm not a great housekeeper. I love live music. I like sitting on the beach watching the waves and drinking wine. I drank a bottle of Chandon Blan de Noirs by myself tonight but I wish I'd had someone to share it with. I'm reading "The Last Unicorn" and just finished the Temeraire series. I love swimming in lakes or frolicking in the ocean. I belong to a liberal non-christian church and I love it. I get insecure with new guys when I haven't heard from them in a few days and then tend to walk away so I won't get hurt. I realize this is fucked up. I want to be authentic. I am willing to work on myself and to make connections. I am faithful. My skin is white and soft, my hair is curly and reddish brown, my lips are often turned up at the corners, my eyes are green and open. This is my body:
My roommate and I had ordered some dinner and I had opened bottle of sparkling wine that I mentioned. Roomie was drinking beer so I was responsible for the entire bottle myself...wouldn't want to let it go to waste. Posting the ad was a total impulse act, but I'm glad I did it.
I think posting while intoxicated wasn't probably my best plan but it may have had an unexpected benefit in that I was uninhibited. I've been thinking a lot about authenticity and how important it is in the early stages of dating. I need to be able to be myself. I need to be able to show the parts of myself that aren't my favorite bits.
The picture is a bit of a conundrum for me. The one I chose is certainly flattering but I don't think it misrepresents me. I worry though that those responding won't really understand how big I am. I want it not to be an issue but I understand that in dating bodies matter. I heard my roommate say once that she thought men were interested in the body first and then the rest of the person. I know that's not true for all men, but I do think there's more of a bias that direction in the male population. I want to be with someone who can enjoy my body, both for it's looks and for all the amazing things it can do but it's crucial to me that I'm with someone who is more excited by the person I am in this body.
I've had over 70 responses and they're still coming in. One was a picture of a penis, an attractive penis mind you but that's just not going to get me to respond. One was mean about my weight. Three have been invitations to have sex immediately upon reading the response. The rest are all some degree of a serious response. I haven't had time to respond to most of them but I have been emailing back and forth with a small handful of men yesterday and today. I think this is promising but as I said in the last post, it's a ton of work!