Surrounded By Love

This weekend I went to the wedding of two very good friends. I was in fact, blessed to be able to perform the ceremony for them. I'm not ordained, but they got married at a chapel in Vegas where there was a minister to do the official declaring them married part afterward as they signed their marriage license. I got to lead them in sharing their vows with each other, exchanging rings, and a flower binding ceremony with their respective children. It was so touching to hear them express their amazing love for one another and to be part of the ritual that marked their formation of a new family.

Now what does this have to do with this blog? Well both my friends are fat and both of them are beautiful. He's a lifelong vegetarian, artist, and one of the kindest men I know. She's sassy and strong and amazingly loyal to those she loves. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her white dress with black accents and he was so handsome in his dark suit and purple tie. I thought he might burst with happiness and the love and joy shining from his eyes all through the ceremony was amazing. I felt really lucky to have the intimate view of their commitment as we stood before their friends and family. And it was inspiring as a fat woman looking for love.

The reception was interesting for me in that there were actually quite a few single men there (unusual in my experience of weddings). Several of the groom's friends are single and I have hung out with some of them before (and actually been on dates with two of them in the past) and there was another fellow who I just felt an amazing instant chemistry with. It turned out that though he was there by himself, he is "loosely partnered"  and I later found out from my friends is actually expecting a baby. Not really a great potential match for me, but oh boy, it was fun to dance and flirt with him! In the end, even with all those single fellows about, I spent the night in my hotel room alone.

Sometimes weddings make me sad. I feel like I'm the only person in the world who hasn't been able to find a strong and enduring love.  And dang it, I want the pretty dress and someone vowing to be my partner. I want to love and be loved in return. I want the celebration with all my nearest and dearest and I want the joy of having someone choose to create a family with me.

Luckily, somehow this weekend I didn't feel the negative side of those desires. I didn't have the ugly tint of envy washing over the joy of celebrating my friends' happiness. This weekend I felt the love of my friends surrounding me, I felt the power of the many beautiful loves I have in my life even though I do not have that primary partner that so much of our society concentrates on as bringing meaning to life. I still want those things but I was at peace with where I am now, at peace with the knowledge that I am surrounded by love even if it doesn't look the way I expected it would.

Edited because paragraph breaks are important and I thought you might enjoy seeing a picture from the wedding.

Possibilities and picture thoughts

Whew, looks like I took an unintentional hiatus. The last entry shook me up a bit and I had to take some time to let my new revelations sink in. I've been exploring a few more options for interacting with different people, saying yes more to my opportunities and making a point of engaging in things I find fun.

Dating wise, I have a few new possibilities to explore. I've got a date Saturday night with a man from a big dating web-site. I don't know a ton about him beyond his profile and a few emails we've exchanged, but I'm looking forward to finding out more. We're meeting at a Mexican restaurant for dinner.

There's also a fellow from a good distance away who has approached me online. We're just beginning the process of chatting and getting to know one another. I think I am open to something long distance right now though I haven't been in the past. I feel like I'm in a place where the details don't matter as much as the connection.

Thirdly, two people have tried to set me up in the last month. The first was with a lovely man who is the best friend of the boyfriend of one of my friends from my church (Unitarian Universalist for those who are curious...so not exactly your typical idea of church). We met at a party, hit it off and had a great time, but he is not in the market for a relationship due to being in the middle of a family crisis. I'm not giving up on him totally, but I am trusting him when he says he can't do relationship right now so as not to get hung up on another unavailable man.

The second set-up was with a man who is 15 years older than I am. He seemed quite nice though possibly a bit conservative for me. We talked a few times on the phone but haven't made any plans to get together.

None of these are particularly exciting but it's nice to have some possibilities and to have the dating world feel open and engaged. I'm thrilled that people have started setting me up, I take it as a complement and am trying to spread the word that I'd be open to any kind of set-up that folks think would work for me. I also asked one friend to re-work my dating profile to help me move away from the bitterness I was feeling about it. I'm happy with what she came up with though I haven't posted it yet.

Lastly, I'm not sure if this will end up having anything to do with dating, but I finally got a webcam and am figuring out how to use it. I think it may at least mean that it's easier for me to have more variety in my pictures so that not all of them are me dressed up at some event or doing something silly. I went through my pictures on my online profile and tried to put more in that showed my personality. I now have 9 pictures up. One that's just my face, two from a recent friend's wedding, one of which is a full body shot standing with a friend, one of me on the beach--full body from a bit of distance in a bathing suit with a skirt, two from sporting events-one hockey, one American football (both things I enjoy watching live), one of me singing karaoke with a friend, and two darker shots in bars one of which is me and two friends doing the see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil pose. I used to have some "prettier" shots up but these feel more real to me. I'm wondering if there are too many though. Any thoughts?

edited for spelling